Hey Girls, Gays, and Theys!!! I missed you all so much!!!!!!!!! We’re back for another month with the best opinion column in the Tri-State area. I’ve got some new fun stuff to talk about this month and can’t wait to fill you all in! 

“What’s New Boo?!” – 

• Valentines Day (February 14th)

 (So make sure you’re getting your loved ones some cute stuff or some good candy!)

• The Valentines Dance (February 16th) 

            (I’m not sure what the theme is this year, but I know last year’s masquerade ball SLAYED!)

Fun Fact of the Day! – 

In the Northern Hemisphere, February is the third month of winter. Meanwhile, in the Southern Hemisphere, February is the last month of summer. Between the North and South Hemispheres, February is the equivalent of August.

Sawyer’s Thoughts – 

I’m just getting right into it, I said it last month and I suppose I have to say it again. STOP WEARING SHORTS. I mean, there’s snow on the ground. Like get a grip, you’re not hot, you’re not cool, nobody wants you. Also Ii’m tired of all the Uggs, and not like the normal boot ones, those are fine. I mean those stupid slipper looking ones that look like the lovechild of the ugly Birkenstock slides and something in the back of your grandpa’s closet that he’s had since 1937. Also how do your feet not get cold in them? Like all I can imagine is all the snow that gets in them, EWW! 

On a non-hater note, with Valentine’s day coming up, I just wanted to let you all know…. I HAVE A MAN! That’s right, Sawyer Lynn Strine (aka me) has a man! So, I’m wishing everyone a great day whether you’re single, married, dating, in a complicated situationship, whatever. Also don’t forget the day after is even better because all the cute decor and candy are on sale!

The Drama Corner – 

This month’s drama corner is directed at a local business. Their name may or may not rhyme with the silky hay. So, I went to this establishment a while ago and ordered the following items: 

1. A double cheeseburger basket with lettuce, mayo, pickles, and chips
2. A double cheeseburger basket with mayo and chips 
3. A fried ham hoagie with no onion, tomato, or lettuce
4. A large order of fried mushrooms

Now you’d think that wouldn’t be too expensive, right? Maybe like at most 40 bucks? So tell me why the total was ALMOST 70 DOLLARS!? It costs less than that to fill my car with gas! Not only was it overpriced, they changed some of the ingredients and it was not as good, AND they forgot to put the fried ham hoagie in the bag! So I had to run back to get it and waste more gas on the subpar food. 

Fashion Suicide – 

I know it’s still winter and chilly out, but let me say this now so I don’t see it when the sun starts to come back. I don’t want to see any of those ugly, horrendous, atrocious capri pants. What are we doing, people? Nobody wants to see your calves, they aren’t sexy. You look like you’re on Swamp People and you’re hunting for crawfish in the swamps. They aren’t flattering and don’t make sense. If you’re hot just wear shorts, if you’re cold wear pants, if you’re indecisive, stay home! 

Spotify Premium Users ONLY! – 

• “tolerate it” evermore Taylor Swift 

• “the last great american dynasty” folklore Taylor Swift 

• “yes, and?” yes, and? Ariana Grande 

• “Level Up!” Level Up! 6arelyhuman (ft. Odetari) 

• “Stairway to Heaven” Rockstar Dolly Parton (ft. Lizzo/Sasha Flute) 

• “Till the World Ends” Femme Fatale Britney Spears 

Well my love, that’s all my yapping for this month! I hope you enjoyed it and come back for the next one. 

Until next time, 

Your supreme leader of Sawyerland 

King Sawyer <3